I've been mulling over some recent information I found online at The Guardian Unlimited about the difficulties we're experiencing in deepening our online relationships with social networking tools.
These problems with online friending have captured my imagination and so I put up a post called "Are you really my friend" a week ago on my personal blog julians.name. In my attempts to be spontaneous and unedited (my vlogging policy) I misrepresented some of my true thinking on this topic. Perhaps a better way of saying this is that my current thinking is in flux. I'm feeling my way through this stuff just like many of you.
I intended that post and a follow up (this one) to be published on our business blog exceler8ion. Here it is.
Here's a summary of the content and some show notes.
First, a correction 'You can't teach an OLD dog new tricks." Just had to get that out of the way.
The video is 18 minutes but HOLD on!
Ouch.
That's better.
The good news is that I've made a significant number of my points in the first 6-7 minutes which isn't too terrible. You'll have to watch the whole piece if you want to hear my personal example of attempting to friend a colleague of mine – Shel Israel, co-author (along with Robert Scoble) of Naked Conversations who sent me to his blog to read his Facebook friend policy after I tried to connect with him on Facebook.
Here's the top 5 for people who don't have time to watch:
TOP 5 FRIENDING TECHNIQUES
How to deepen relationships through social networking tools and social media.
- Be active not passive
- Make one-to-one contact
- Respond to questions
- Play is central
- Pay attention to people (visibly) Thanks to my lovely bride Shannon!
The rest of my video discusses these points in more detail and recounts my experience to date with friending Shel. 
Jules
Technorati Tags: social networks, social networking, social media, Facebook, Twitter, Jaiku, Mash Yahoo! Mash, MySpace, LinkedIn, Friending, blogs, blogging, vlog, vlogging
EXCELER8ion is where Shannon and Julian Seery Gude write on Social Media & Recruiting, Digital Marketing, Technology, Internet Business, and other Geekiness. 
6 comments ↓
Hey Julian,
GREAT video. I just twittered that you’re the first person to make me think I could do video & like it. The video adds a whole new dimension! But I don’t have any hardware.
I posted a 2nd blog post today on this subject: http://www.conniebensen.com/blog/2007/09/16/building-community/
In Shel’s case, I pondered his Facebook friending policy too. Then I sent my request & rec’d a nice personal note back.
I’m looking forward to video of you & Shannon. What time should I come back?
Connie
The video is just too cute. I’ve made you a Facebook friend.
Excellent – all the way to the end! : )
Dang, if I would’ve made a video, I might have convinced Shel to do the same!
Nice job, Julian.
(by the way, your Facebook updates are some of my faves).
Dennis
Hey look at that.
Three people reached back when I reached out. You made my work on the video all worth it. I’ve got two new friends I’ve met online (FIMO) and one I met a while back (ages in Internet time).
So to all of you thanks for connecting and I’ll look forward to learning more from you and exploring our world together. Let me know if there’s ever anything I can do to help you.
After all, friends are awfully good for that.
Cheers then!
I really like the view that we are just beginning to get feel of the social implications of computer networking and your appreciation of the potential tempered by what I know to be your first hand experience of the dot com boom. I also must say your vlogging style is getting more fluid – you kept my attention even if it was too long because the flow kept keeping on. Finally I would bet that Shel Israel responded positively because you showed you listened to his response and respected it (Shannon’s 5th technique). That seems to me is an excellent example of what you were talking about the difference between genuine networking and networking for an ulterior motive.
Julian,
The answer to your question whether social media “deepens friendships” is no. People deepen friendships .
Technology and social media environments provide a platform for meeting new people, sharing & conecting with them and existing friends, though the same way that a friendship won’t blossom in the “real” world unless an effort is made, it won’t blossom online either without that efffort.
Social media is a tool for us to communicate and connect with each other though it doesnt do the work required to deepen a relationship for us. We have to make the effort. Some social media sites make it easier to do this though again they don’t deepen our friendships..we do.
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